Even if you didn’t grow up a Catholic, you’ll appreciate this one……

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together,discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room everyone calls him “Father”.

The second Catholic woman chirps, “Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, “Your Grace”.

The third Catholic woman says smugly, “Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, “Your Eminence”.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle “Well…?”She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6’2,” hard bodied, well hung, male stripper.

And whenever he walks into a room, women say, “Oh! My God!”

Saturday, 17 July, 5 P.M.: We decided to watch Inception and not Tere Bin Laden as the latter didn’t gather good ratings from the critics. Here, I’ve to mention how my husband and his friends check reviews, without failing, every time they head out to the nearest movie theater.

Well, we were 5 mins late! The action had already started because I could see buildings crumbling, a string of bomb blasts and yes water flooding the buildings (from where did all that water come?) …In the midst of the annoying action scenes on the screen I turned to my husband who was sitting next to me (poor guy!) and swamped him with questions “What’s happening?”, “How much did we miss?”

I started looking at my watch and to my horror another 2 and -a -half hours were remaining!! (While I am writing I try my best to not exceed more than two exclamation marks.) So, I was in for more madness and yes more head scratching and that very thought made me unutterably helpless. Because 190 bucks gone and I was sitting in the dark theater with confused junta (who were trying their best to comprehend what was going on) and super-confused characters on the screen.

I put away these distracting thoughts from my mind and tried to focus on the movie…You see I have a can-do attitude. “I can understand this mind boggling shit” with this attitude I focused on the screen. The scene had shifted to Paris where  Leonardo was meeting an architect to build dreams for his new assignment –  implanting an idea in some corporate honcho’s mind (OK so those buildings in the first scene were designed and it was a dream sequence) Gosh! Eureka! I understood it…I felt like jumping. But my excitement was short-lived because I heard Leo discussing something like “multiple layered dreams”. As if one layer was not enough to torture us. But again my can-do attitude came into the picture. You can understand multiple layered dreams, can’t you? (To be honest, the word “multi layer” reminded me of the delicious six-layered chocolate cake I had at my friend’s place last year.) Do not think about the cake Abhi, think about the movie, instead –  that’s exactly what I thought at that particular moment.

Aside from building dreams, Leonardo was following  his wife who was dead. Truly speaking I didn’t understand who was following whom. I mean whether he was following her or was it the other way round? And yes I’ve to mention something here – the Fischer guy (I mean the son and not the father) is actually drop-dead handsome.

Anyways after 3 hours of befuddling actions ( shooting at people who were not people but projections of mind, drowning, skiing etc) the movie ended leaving all of us with one question – did someone plant an idea into our minds that we watched the movie but actually we didn’t? I would have loved if that happened! To be very honest my can-do attitude didn’t quite work here. The movie left me with a crazy headache and I didn’t understand 1/4th of the movie and 3 long hours were excruciating and agonizing. The only relieving factor was that Fischer guy with deep blue eyes

Crux of the 3-hour drama- Critics are not always correct. Some even write reviews in their dreams!

P.S. If you’ve watched Inception and didn’t understand what you saw for 3 hours, then, don’t worry. Check this link. It really helped me. Now, I know the Fischer guy’s off  screen name;)

I’ve put together a list of 31 common mistakes that writers hate to commit (but they do):

1 Their going to visit Church today.(Correct sentence: They’re going to visit Church today.)

2 Its there. (Correct sentence: It’s there.)

3 Where is you’re home? (Correct sentence : Where is your home)

4 People doesn’t take me seriously ( Correct sentence: People don’t take me seriously)

5 She’s lived in this neighborhood longer then I have (Correct sentence:  She’s lived in this neighborhood longer than I have.) Then is used as a time expression whereas Than is used for comparison.

6 Hey! You’re new car is amazing.  (Correct sentence: Hey! Your new car is amazing.) Your is a possessive pronoun whereas you’re a contraction of you are.

7 He teaches in an university. (Correct sentence: He teaches in a university.)

8 A hair drier can do much more than drying and styling your hair. (Correct sentence: A hair dryer can do much more than drying and styling your hair.) Dryer is the tool that makes things drier.

9 Miners’ bodies bought to surface at a mine in Welkom. (Correct sentence: Miners’ bodies brought to surface at a mine in Welkom.) Bought is past tense form of buy and Brought is the past tense of bring.

10 A thief is on the lose in the neighborhood. (Correct sentence: A thief is on the loose in the neighborhood.) Many people write loose when they mean lose. Loose when used as an adjective may mean not tight like loose trousers, lacking a sense of restraint like loose tongue, having escaped like criminals on the loose in the area etc. Lose is related to loss as in loss of a game, loss of weight etc.

11 How the new rules effect you? (Correct sentence: How the new rules affect you?)

Affect=having an effect on.

12 Can you here me? (Correct sentence: Can you hear me?) Hear refers to the act of hearing and is always a verb whereas Here refers to the place where you are.

13The queue is four adults only. (Correct sentence: The queue is for adults only.) Fours refers to the cardinal number that is the sum of three and one. Whereas For is the preposition to refer “appropriate to; intended for”.

14 Who is prejudiced to atheists? (Correct sentence: Who is prejudiced against atheists?)Remember– The word Prejudice is always followed by the preposition Against.

15 I have not seen him since a long time. (Correct sentence: I have not seen him for a long time.) When reckoning from a specified date we use Since but for an unspecified period of time we always use For.

16He sat in a table. (Correct sentence: He sat on a table.) When something clearly means on top of something then use ON.

17 I do not need your advise. (Correct sentence: I do not need your advice.) The two words: Advise and Advice are often mixed up. While using the words remember that Advise is a verb which means “give advise to” and Advice is used as a noun.

18 She was junior than me. (Correct sentence: She was junior to me.) Superlatives like junior, senior, superior and inferior are followed by To and not Than.

19We makes our own destiny. (Correct sentence: We make our own destiny.) If the subject is I, you, we or they then do not add an -s to the verb.

20 Rita look like her mother. (Correct sentence: Rita looks like her mother.) If the subject is a singular noun then add an –s to the verb.

21 My sisters sings beautifully. (Correct sentence: My sisters sing beautifully.) If the subject is plural then the verb is singular. And here the subject is not My but Sisters.

22 Childrens are beautiful. (Correct sentence: Children are beautiful.) Children is a plural form of child and thus the word does not require an –r.

23 The robbers were cot about an hour after the robbery took place. (Correct Sentence: The robbers were caught about an hour after the robbery took place.) Cot usually refers to a bed whereas caught is the past tense of catch.

24 I like funny peoples. (Correct sentence: I like funny people.) People is a plural form of person and thus it does not require an –s. However, there is a rare usage of the word Peoples which refers to “the  entire  body  of  persons  who  constitute  a  community  or  other  group  by  virtue  of  a  common  culture,  history,  etc.,”

25 Her families approval for the marriage is very important. (Correct sentence: Her family’s approval for the marriage is very important.) Families is the singular form of family and family’s indicates the possessive form.

26 He eight a lot of candies yesterday. (Correct sentence: He ate a lot of candies yesterday.) Eight is a cardinal number that comes after seven and ate implies the past tense of eat.

27 I don’t want to eat chocolates, beside, I don’t like chocolates. (Correct Sentence: I don’t want to eat chocolates, besides, I don’t like chocolates.)  Here use besides (which refers to “BTW” or “in addition to”) or else the meaning changes. Whereas beside refers to “next to” as in the shop is beside Ryan’s house.

28 I hope everybody are OK. (Correct Sentence: I hope everybody is OK.) To avoid any confusion just break up the word “every” +”body”. “ Body” is singular noun so you must use “is” .

29 I have a temperature. My reply would be “So, what? Everyone has a temperature.”  The correct sentence to be used in case you’re feeling feverish is “I have a high temperature.”

30 If I was you, I would ask her. (Correct Sentence: If I were you, I would ask her). After “if” we usually use the subjunctive “were” instead of “was”.

31 He followed the instructions to the alphabet. (Correct Sentence: He followed the instructions to the letter.)

Well, there are  many more! I know So, why don’t you help me make this list an exhaustive one ?